We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
