Is it normal to miss your booty call?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
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