Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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