My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
