Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
He literally asked permission to hit on me
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
