Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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