meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
