I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
