my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
