whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize