The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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