Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
