hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Randomize
