i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize