The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
