Don't make out with my wife yet
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
