if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize