my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
