i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
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