Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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