how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
