Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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