Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
The ass gains better be worth it
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