OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
