Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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