The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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