Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
