How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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