You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
