how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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