my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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