wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
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