If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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