Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
