How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Randomize
