had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize