Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
We had sex on a dog bed..
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
