Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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