and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize