are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
i came on her dog
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
