Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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