I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Randomize
