I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
