Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
