Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
