I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
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