I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
