He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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