Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
