I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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