Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Randomize
