idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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