What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
