My underwear smells like fireworks.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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