Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
