youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
