You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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