That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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