I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
