Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
