Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
