i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
