If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
