my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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