@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
You brought string cheese to the strip club
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
