I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
