I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
