my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
