First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
