somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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